I Wonder...

It's been quite some time since I last wrote a post that expresses my inner emotional cries (making it more dramatic lah~). But some things happening around me is surpressing my emotions more and more each day. I don't seem to talk about it to people, maybe that is why it's surpressing me from within.

I wonder how much I can accept of people misusing my friendship, my professionalism, my feelings, my actions and others. Most of the time, after taking all these craps, I kept all to myself and ponder about it as if it was my wrong doings that led me to the situation. It brings me heartache, frustration and tears at times. But, no matter how deep these cuts are, I do not know how to express them out.

I wonder how long it'll take for me to hold on a permanent job, permanent house, permanent life. I've been moving 4 times this year itself, job hopped 3 times as well. I do dream of having a permanent job, a house to myself with fully furnished condition, a car under my name, a savings which I will spend during my retirement age, but it seemed too hard and far to reach.

I wonder if I'll ever stop being so nomadic and adventurous. Seemed to me that I'm always somewhere doing things like diving, hiking, climbing but at times I kept thinking whether I'm really happy doing all these. I kept questioning myself...but no doubt, I'm happy with my abilities to do all these activities. I would like to pursue more in the future.

I wonder if I finally leave this place to another, who and what will I become. I am eager to explore the world, eager to try new environment, but it takes time before I'm able to leave. Trying and I'll never give up.

Okay, I gotta stop typing this post. It took my 2 train rides to finish typing. Yes, I'm currently typing this while standing in the train from Cheras to Petaling Jaya. I'll put a fullstop here.

*FULLSTOP*